


Scrap Heap

by IdrisTardis7878



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Charming Brotp, Fluffy silliness, Gen, no one insults granny's food and gets away with it, sass and banter, sorry david
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 19:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisTardis7878/pseuds/IdrisTardis7878
Summary: David should've known better than to disparage Granny's where the woman herself could overhear...





	Scrap Heap

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr on April 22, 2017. I *think* this was based off the sneak peek for 6x 18 - Where Bluebirds Fly. Original author's note as follows:
> 
> A/N: So, this little bit of silliness was inspired by David’s commentary in this week’s first sneak peek. I don’t disagree with him – Granny’s really isn’t the place for the CS wedding – but I thought he was a bit harsh in his overall assessment of the place. And I thought Granny definitely wouldn’t like it – and probably would have overheard it, with her wolf-hearing and all, and so might have tried to exact some…revenge. So. This was born – roughly 950 words of David-centric silly fic, with a touch of Captain Charming near the end. Also, it assumes that a little more time elapses between the sneak peek and when the wedding will take place than will probably happen on the show – maybe a few weeks or so. Hope you all enjoy!!

It all started so subtly that David almost didn’t notice it…at first.

-/-

His toast had been just a  _little_  bit darker than usual one morning when he’d stopped in for breakfast on his way to the station, but he’d washed down the slightly burnt aftertaste with the last of his coffee and had gone on his way with barely a second thought.

Then, the burger he’d gotten one afternoon while spending some quality bonding time with Henry had been a lot rarer than he preferred – actually, if he was being honest, it had been practically  _raw_  – but he’d just grimaced (after discreetly spitting the one bite he’d taken back into his napkin) and politely asked if it could be put it back on the grill for another couple of minutes. When the plate had been returned to the table, his burger had been perfectly cooked and he’d gone back to enjoying the afternoon with his grandson.

In hindsight, he supposed the salt he’d received in his coffee instead of sugar during an all-too-rare-in-recent-history date night with Snow –  _an honest mistake_ , the slightly frazzled waitress had pleaded – really  _should_  have been a tip-off, but at the time he’d just been too happy that his wife had not been in full on Mother-of-the-Bride mode to think too closely about anything else.

-/-

Yet, the light didn’t truly even  _begin_  to dawn on him until one Saturday evening when he and Killian were grabbing a couple of pints together after a lazy family dinner. Snow and Emma had stayed at the loft, holed up together for an in-depth discussion of wedding dress options. Therefore, the two men had been gently banished for at least a few hours (Snow’s admonishment of  _Killian **needs**  to be completely surprised by her dress, David_ had echoed in his mind as the two men opened the door to Granny’s).

They’d opted for the diner over the Rabbit Hole for a post-dinner drink because they’d been looking for a more laid back atmosphere –  _and_  because earlier in the day, Killian had overheard Grumpy ( _as if it were possible **not**  to_, David thought with a snort) issuing the head of the newly-arrived Viking clan a group on group drinking challenge against him and his dwarven brethren for that evening. That was sure to lead to a fair bit of brawling, and they’d wanted to avoid it if they could.  _Though_ , David mused with a sigh,  _if something **does**  happen, I’ll probably get called in to sort it out anyway_.

The pair had opted to sit at the counter and, after talking about fairly routine things while waiting what was actually kind of a long time for service, their pints  _finally_  arrived. Killian’s was placed neatly in front of him, but before David could fully register what was going on, several things happened at once.

He vaguely heard Killian’s hasty, “Dave, mate, look out–” as the second pint glass slid rapidly across the countertop towards him. He caught it in the nick of time, rescuing it from completely going over the edge and landing on the floor, but a healthy amount of beer slopped over the rim, splashing over his wrist and up his forearm.

As the liquid seeped into his shirt and he looked up in search of the nearest napkin dispenser, a  _thwack_  signaled a plate being set in front of him. “I didn’t order any foo–” he began, before he got a good look at the plate and what was on it. It was piled high with odds and ends of several different foods – a squished looking slice of cake, the burnt-looking end piece from a meat loaf, a smear of tomato sauce with some dollops of cheese and ragged fragments of lasagna noodles, a mangled half of a cheeseburger, and enough fries and onion rings loaded on top to make a small mountain of food. The entire thing was liberally decorated with mustard, relish, ketchup, gravy, and a few other sauces David didn’t want to try to identify.

He heard Killian make a soft noise of disgust from somewhere to his left as he looked up into the steely eyes of the diner’s proprietor. Her arms were crossed and she was staring unblinkingly at him over the rim of her glasses.

“Granny?” he asked, gesturing at the mixed-up pile of leftovers. “What  _is_  all this?”

The older woman was silent for a long moment, simply continuing to stare at him before cracking a smile that could only be described as borderline feral. “Well, I would have thought that would have been obvious. It’s our new special.”

He looked back at the plate, wrinkling his nose in distaste, and then back up at Granny. “Really? No…I mean… _really?!_ ” He ignored the muffled whisper of  _careful, mate_ from Killian and pressed on. “What do you call it?”

If possible, Granny’s grin spread even wider, her teeth gleaming as she leaned closer. Pointing at the “Specials” board behind her, she gleefully proclaimed. “It’s the  _David Nolan Scrap Heap Deluxe_ , of course.”

David’s mouth hung open, and he was pretty sure he heard Killian attempting to stifle a chuckle as Granny walked away.

She moved back towards the kitchen, calling to him over her shoulder without looking back. “I’ll add it to your bill! It’s a bargain at $19.95!”

He sputtered into the sip he’d taken of what was left of his pint.

-/-

In the end it had taken two weeks of daily apologies, three bouquets, performing several small handy-man tasks around the diner, and a promise to let her make Emma’s wedding cake, for Granny to finally forgive him.

But the day she took that special off the board, it was all worth it.

-/-END-/-


End file.
